Baby Blues

This morning they knocked on my door about 6:00 am to ask if everything was all right and wanted to take my blood pressure. It was 158/98 this morning. I haven't had my blood pressure pill yet and they seemed to think that the reading was OK. I asked them to change my sheets and while I was standing out in the hallway I started tearing up looking at the baby carts lining the hallway outside my room. There must have been 40 empty baby carts out there and I was just thinking how big and empty they looked. The doctor saw me and asked me how I was feeling, so we talked a little bit.

He is coming around with the Procardia and a vicodin this morning. He also was pushing the damn stool softener on me again. Enough with the stool softener people. Aunt P says vicodin can make yoour stools hard -- maybe...but not yet. I have only taken about 3 pain killers total since I have been here. Apparently I have a high threshold for pain. Who would have thought that?

I pumped more milk this morning. It has steadily been around 15 ML each time. I am waiting for the big gush, but nothing so far. This whole c-section, preemie thing has my body not knowing what to do. Trying to read as much as I can on post-partem, c-sections, pre-eclampsia and preemie care as I can so I know what to expect. I am reading "What to Expect When You are Expecting." It seems like such a joke now since nothing in that book prepared me to expect any of this mess.

I will be discharged today. We will be able to tell if we get a McD House room sometime this afternoon. We will be in a limbo state of checked out from about nooninsh and be hanging out without a place to go other than NICU until 5:00pm. If we don't get a room, I guess we will go home.

Amelia was given a small bit of breast milk last night to see if she can tolerate it. She is also off the oscillating ventilator and is on the old compression ventilator. She can breathe a bit on her own. The day she can breathe totally on her own will be a major milestone. We are not sure when to expect that. I think if anything -- we need to realize we can't have any expectations at all.